Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck
EAT LIKE YOU GIVE A FUCK
And why not? You eat three times a day. That seems like an adequate amount of fucks to give on a daily basis. But why does the transition from the drive-thru to homemade meals seem so fucking impossible? Maybe itâ€™s because the people who tell you how to cook healthy food come off as so fucking phony. There is an aura of elitism surrounding eating well, and so many people tend to associate health with wealth. As we learned how to cook for ourselves, we couldnâ€™t identify with these beautiful bloggers in their big-ass kitchens waxing poetic about fennel pollen as they stirred up their chanterelle-studded sauces.
We donâ€™t need theories to explain why people choose convenience foods over home-cooked meals; weâ€™ve been there. We grew up like most people: Dinners never took more than 10 minutes to heat up and everything was centered around meat and slathered in cheese. We accepted the idea of eating shit because we legitimately thought it was how food was supposed to be. With our parents busy at work and our attention focused on Ninja Turtles, we didnâ€™t fucking bother to learn how to cook for ourselves. This was a time when companies were coloring ketchup purple and teal for whateverthe-fuck marketing campaign they were running. Potato chips had a goddamn disclaimer on the bag about how the oil might cause anal leakage. What the fuck, right? Those were some dark days in food. We didnâ€™t think we had enough time or money to learn how to cook real food for ourselves, so we willingly ate that fucking nonsense. So, no, we didnâ€™t grow up in wheatgrass-covered huts on some hippie commune. We are your next-door neighbors and somewhere along the way, we learned to eat right. And you can too. Virtue untested is no virtue at all or some shit like that, right?
You might already be down with cooking, but vegetables keep getting left out of a lot of dinners. Veggies got a bad rap they are still trying to shake. We feel you. While bougie motherfuckers were starting to discover microgreens and nettles, we were still out in the land of frozen peas and iceberg lettuce. None of us really knew how to cook a vegetable so that it didnâ€™t taste like a soggy gym sock, so we just thought all veggies were bunk. Look: Cooking vegetables takes a minute and a little finesse, but itâ€™s not fucking rocket science. Itâ€™s easier to sautÃ© kale with some garlic than it is to eat pizza bites without burning the fuck out of your tongue. We just hadnâ€™t tried.
As we learned how to do all that grown-up bullshit like drive a car, pay taxes, and own a vacuum, we got to wondering why we were avoiding the kitchen and real meals. Sure, we would have to work at it and probably burn some shit and fuck up a whole dinner, but we deserved better than a pathetic Hot Pocket. Slowly but surely we started schooling ourselves on how to shop on a budget and cook simple, healthy meals. Once we got out on our own and couldnâ€™t afford cable to distract us, we really got our shit together. Our friends were impressed by even the simplest meals we made for them and all we could think was: Why doesnâ€™t everyone know how to do this? Itâ€™s not that fucking hard. After plenty of practice, we are here to show you the way and save yâ€™all some time.
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|Epub, Mobi||May 30, 2020|
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