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Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think



Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think PDF

Author: David J. Lieberman PhD

Publisher: Rodale Books

Genres:

Publish Date: August 16, 2022

ISBN-10: 0593236181

Pages: 240

File Type: PDF

Language: English

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Book Preface

For thirty years, I’ve been developing psychological insights into human nature with strategies to enhance the quality of people’s lives and relationships. In 1998, I wrote a book, called Never Be Lied to Again, that introduced specifically formulated techniques to help people detect deception in their everyday lives. Nearly a decade later, I wrote You Can Read Anyone, which was a follow-up to the first book and updated the science of reading people. Now, roughly another decade later, thanks to emerging research in psycholinguistics, neuroscience, and the cognitive and behavioral sciences, this new book takes a quantum leap forward. I will introduce you to the most advanced, cutting-edge methods in profiling people, which will give you near-telepathic abilities. In any situation—from a casual conversation to an in-depth negotiation—you will find what people really think and feel, regardless of what they claim. You will be privy to what lies deep in their subconscious mind, even when they themselves may be in denial and unwilling (or unable) to confront their thoughts, feelings, and fears on a conscious level.

Mindreader covers brand-new ground and relies little on age-old, outdated body language signs and signals. Many experts, for example, claim that crossed arms and legs suggest defensiveness or disagreement. While this interpretation is not technically wrong, you will get a lot of false positives if your subject is seated in a cold room in a chair without an armrest. And yes, little or no direct eye contact is a classic sign of deception. But the bad guys already know this, so unless your subject is a five-year-old caught with his hand in an actual cookie jar, you’ll need more sophisticated tactics. More chillingly, how do you accurately read a psychotic person who believes his own lies? Or a sociopath who looks you straight in the eyes and swears up and down on a stack of Bibles that he’s telling the truth?[1]

We can now also move well beyond stereotypical strategies for reading people that purport to reveal stunning insights into the psyche based on superficial observations of dress. Does a religious pendant reflect deeply held spiritual values? Not necessarily. Maybe the person is wearing one to offset guilt because she lives antithetically to such ideals. Maybe she wears it for sentimental reasons, perhaps because it was her grandmother’s. Do a power suit and well-shined shoes indicate ambition, and are sweatpants a sign of laziness? Not at all. Perhaps someone dresses casually because she’s comfortable in her own skin and doesn’t care what others think; then again, maybe she’s grossly insecure but wants to appear not to care.

Another stalwart favorite is to extrapolate assumptions based on a single behavior. But this is nonsense. Just because your friend is always late doesn’t necessarily mean he’s inconsiderate. Maybe he’s a perfectionist who has to have everything just right before he leaves. Maybe he gets an adrenaline rush by waiting until the last minute. Maybe his mother always insisted that he be on time and is leading a subconscious rebellion. Maybe he’s a bit spacey and loses track of time. If we rely on surface assumptions, the opportunities to misread people are endless.

So what does work? The techniques I’ll teach you herein draw from multiple disciplines—I teach these methods to the FBI’s elite Behavioral Analysis Unit, the CIA, the NSA, almost every branch of the U.S. military, and law enforcement agencies around the world. All you have to do is pay attention to a few key elements, which will unveil a near-magical magnifying glass into a person’s state of mind, his thoughts and feelings, and, most valuably, the degree of his integrity and emotional health.

Best of all, many of the techniques work without the need for interacting with your subject—oftentimes merely from listening to a conversation, speech, or recording, such as a voice-mail message. Or even from reading an email. The ability to read people, without having to see them, is ever more vital in an age when face masks and video conferencing can render even reliable facial and body language signs completely inert.

In the chapters to come, I’ll show you step-by-step how to tell exactly what someone is thinking in real-life situations. For example, you will see precisely how to determine whether a person is trustworthy or dishonest, whether a coworker is troubled or just plain moody, or whether a first date is going your way or going south. And when the stakes are high—negotiations; interrogations; questions of abuse, theft, or fraud—you’ll learn how to save yourself time, money, energy, and heartache by identifying who has your best interests at heart and who does not.

The reason my work is so widely used by law enforcement is because the techniques are easy to use and uncannily accurate, but only when used responsibly. I urge you not to abandon reason and common sense—or, for that matter, a relationship—due to a two-second surface read. It would be reckless to base your assumptions of a person’s honesty, integrity, or intentions—let alone their emotional health—on an off-hand remark or fleeting interaction.

Throughout this book single-sentence examples are used to illustrate the psychology. In real life, it would be prudent to rely on longer speech or writing samples before making any determination. As we will see throughout the book, a single, casual reference may not mean anything, but a consistent pattern of syntax reveals everything.[2]

When there’s a lot on the line, take the time to build a reliable profile. Although this book is categorized into multiple parts and chapters, the methods I aim to teach you in each chapter are designed to build on the previous ones and should be folded into the process to enhance your overall assessment.

As you learn more about others, my hope is that you will also come to learn more about yourself and that with greater self-awareness you will gain the opportunity to enhance your own emotional health, life, and relationships. Enjoy a predictive edge in every conversation and situation—and in life itself—when you gain the ability to know what anyone is really thinking, what they really want, and who they really are.

Poker Corner

The game of poker is, in many ways, a psychological lab of human behavior and serves as a wonderful real-life metaphor in which tactics can be employed to read people. Even if you’re unacquainted with the game, I think you will enjoy these insights and applications as we move through the book.

CONTENTS

Introduction

PART I

Subconscious Reveals

CHAPTER 1 What They Really Think

Discover what someone really thinks—even thoughts that lie deep in their subconscious mind—no matter what they say or do.

CHAPTER 2 How a Person Sees and Feels About Other People

Find out how a person really feels about those in their life—whom they feel close to, whom they admire, and whom they secretly despise.

CHAPTER 3 Close Encounters

Learn how to tell if any conversation, interaction, or new relationship is going your way or the other way. Is the other person just being polite, or are they genuinely interested and engaged?

CHAPTER 4 Relationship Status and Power

Who is holding all the cards? Regardless of what anyone claims, you’ll know whether a person feels in control or insecure within any relationship.

CHAPTER 5 Reading the Mood

Feelings of anger and anxiety leak out through seemingly kind and benign language and gestures. Decode the signs of hidden emotions to know what people are feeling, despite how they appear.

PART II

The Human Lie Detector

CHAPTER 6 Assessing Honesty and Integrity

Whenever you’re speaking with a suspect, coworker, or new acquaintance, find out if they’re going to be open and honest, or guarded and deceitful.

CHAPTER 7 The Art of Reading the Bluff

They make a threat, to walk out or to sue; they make a claim, to expose you or to protect you. Instantly know if they are just blowing smoke out of desperation or making a declaration of true intention.

CHAPTER 8 Making Up Stories: Alibis and Lullabies

Quickly determine whether someone’s account of any incident or experience is the absolute truth or nothing but a complete work of fiction.

CHAPTER 9 Tricks of the Trade

See through the psychological tactics used by master manipulators and con artists to get rational people to behave in utterly irrational ways.

PART III

Taking a Psychological Snapshot

CHAPTER 10 A Peek into Personality and Mental Health

Find out whether anyone you meet—a potential hire, blind date, or new babysitter—has an easygoing and agreeable nature or is a force of nature just waiting to be unleashed.

CHAPTER 11 Narrative Identity: Reading Hearts and Souls

We all have a narrative that explains “who I am and why I am.” Because human beings don’t easily go off-script, once you know their story, you’ll not only know what they’re thinking, but you’ll also be able to predict what they’ll do next.

CHAPTER 12 Activating the Defense Grid

When we take notice of how people see themselves and their world—what attracts their attention and what they avoid; what they mention and what they miss; what they accept and what they reject—we know their strengths, insecurities, and struggles.

CHAPTER 13 The Meaning of Values

The values that we hold announce to the world what matters to us most and paint a picture of our deepest selves. Pierce anyone’s public persona and you’ll know what makes them tick.

CHAPTER 14 The Resilience Factor

When a person is under pressure or dealing with stress, learn how to tell who will bend and who will break—and how to spot cracks before they even appear.

PART IV

Building a Psychological Profile

CHAPTER 15 In Search of Sanity

People who suffer from emotional illness share common language patterns, which broadcast their perceptions of reality. Learn all about a person’s inner world in a single conversation.

CHAPTER 16 The Psychology of Self-Esteem

Uncover the myth of the self-loving narcissist and find out how to tell who has self-esteem and who suffers from a deep-seated feeling of inferiority and self-hatred.

CHAPTER 17 Unmasking Personality Disorders

Discover why some people push your buttons and your boundaries—and why you too often let them. More importantly, know how to spot any personality disorder type, including the well-hidden and polished sociopath.

CHAPTER 18 Reflections of Relationships

Whether you’re working with a patient, interviewing a potential hire, or making small talk with a colleague, detect the dead giveaways of mental illness in minutes.

CHAPTER 19 Highs and Lows and Suffering in Between

Some people put on a brave front. Learn how to tell who really has it all together and who may be suffering silently on the inside.

CHAPTER 20 When to Worry: Red Alert and Warning Signs

People don’t just snap. Identify the advance warning signs for those who are poised to become a danger to themselves or to others.

Conclusion: What to Do with What You Know

Notes

Acknowledgments

 


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