Dear Reader, before we begin, I’m going to make a quick introduction, and a short, sincere plea.

I’m a religious mother of six, who accidentally made a career as a thought leader after I started a blog, Design Mom, in 2006, and it took off. I’ve received accolades I’m proud of—my blog was named a Website of the Year by Time magazine, it won the Iris Award for Blog of the Year, and I’ve written a New York Times bestselling book (also called Design Mom). I’ve moderated hundreds of discussions on difficult topics and interviewed some of the most influential people in the world. My writing is quoted and shared across the globe daily. And the most important essay I’ve ever written, an essay about abortion, is what this book is based on.

In that essay, I proposed several ideas about the often-over-looked causes of abortion. My key claim is that 99 percent of abortions are the result of unwanted pregnancies, and men cause all unwanted pregnancies. Currently, conversations about abortion are entirely centered on women—on women’s bodies, and whether women have a right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. For those who want to effectively reduce abortion (or outlaw it altogether, as many states have done), this focus on women is a fundamental mistake for two reasons: 1) because there is clear data that abortion bans are ineffective and 2) because, again, men cause all unwanted pregnancies. If you’re focused on women, you’re wasting your time.

Don’t believe me that men cause all unwanted pregnancies? Let me walk you through it. I’ve got twenty-eight simple arguments in this book explaining how and why this is true.

An unwanted pregnancy doesn’t happen because people have sex. An unwanted pregnancy only happens if a man ejaculates irresponsibly—if he deposits his sperm in a vagina when he and his partner are not trying to conceive. It’s not asking a lot for men to avoid this.

We’ve put the burden of pregnancy prevention on the person who is fertile for 24 hours a month, instead of the person who is fertile 24 hours a day, every day of their life.

I don’t know what your thoughts are on abortion, but you picked up this book, so I assume you care about it—as a right to fight for or a problem to solve. Whatever your feelings and beliefs are on abortion, I’m going to ask that you momentarily set them to the side. I’ll do the same (though anyone really curious about where I stand can google me). Why set them aside? Because the arguments I lay out in this book are an attempt to shift the conversation away from the usual for-or-against debates that have stymied this issue for decades. I’m going to present a new approach that I hope you’ll find refreshing and productive.

My sincere gratitude for being open to a new way of thinking,

Gabrielle Blair

Contents

a crucial refocus: it’s the men.

NO. 1 Men Are 50 times more fertile than women.

NO. 2 Sperm live for up to 5 days.

NO. 3 Women’s fertility is unpredictable.

NO. 4 Ovulation is involuntary, ejaculation is not.

NO. 5 Birth control for women is hard to access And hard to use.

NO. 6 Birth control for men is easy to access and easy to use.

NO. 7 Society clings to the idea that men hate condoms.

NO. 8 Vasectomies are less risky than tubal ligations.

No. 9 We expect women to do the work of pregnancy prevention.

No. 10 We don’t mind if women suffer, as long as it makes things easier for men.

No. 11 Society teaches that the man’s pleasure is the purpose and priority of sex.

No. 12 Women can be impregnated without experiencing pleasure.

No. 13 Men cause all unwanted pregnancies.

No. 14 We expect women to be responsible for their own bodies and for men’s bodies.

No. 15 We need to shift our focus to men.

No. 16 Holding men accountable for their actions does not make women victims.

No. 17 The uneven power dynamic between men and women is real and can turn violent quickly.

No. 18 A woman can’t walk out on a pregnancy.

No. 19 We’re not honest about pregnancy and childbirth.

No. 20 The realities and burdens of parenting are unfathomable.

No. 21 Pregnancy should not be a punishment.

No. 22 Adoption is not an alternative to abortion.

No. 23 There are zero consequences for men who ejaculate irresponsibly.

No. 24 Sperm are dangerous.

No. 25 Men have more control of their bodies and sexual urges than we like to admit.

No. 26 Men can easily prevent abortions but choose not to.

No. 27 We know what works.

No. 28 This is how to take action.

Acknowledgments